easter disaster, need advice asap?On 03.11.10, In article
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 6-7 months… I’ve met his family and are getting close to them. He was in a bad marriage before and his mother says even since little he’s been so weird about being around people he used to take his christmas gifts into his room and open [...] Leave a Comment8 Responses to “easter disaster, need advice asap?”Leave a Reply |
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He sounds very anti-social. I know it’s hard not to take it personally but with people like this you really can’t. I have missed weddings, birthdays, Easters all sorts of things in my life. I get around people and I get nervous. I never know what to say and what I do say is wrong. I get sick to my stomach even just thinking about being in public. I don’t eat out at restaurants or go to peoples houses for parties. My point is, when we feel like this WE miss out on a lot of things. It is your choice whether to miss out on life with him or find way to compromise. If you really like him then you have to understand. If you want to spend time on holidays with your family and his daughters ask him if you can bring them with you? As for your family explain to the people that you can trust not to make a scene of it that he feels this way and hope for the best. If you start living together he will have the chance to get to know your family a little by little. Find out what him and your mother have in common and prepare both of them with conversation starters in a subject they BOTH feel comfortable talking about. Good Luck!
he needs to get over his insecurities asap. you are the new woman in his life, and have been for a while. so its time to move on with his life. i know youve probably had long talks with him explaining your frustration so im not even gonna suggest that, because its obviously not that simple. honestly, if i was you, i would see if he would wanna go to some kinda counseling or something. or maybe you two need to have more "you" time, doing fun things outside of the house. make memories together that he can think about instead of dwelling in the past and moping around. you cant go forward as a couple if he isnt willing to work with you over it. we’ve all been hurt in life, its a part of life – its how you grow from it that matters.
talk to him about it, and maybe try to comfort him. also tell him the little girls’ feelings were kinda hurt though. you should go with him to that rental thingy. don’t worry people go through stuff like this a lot more than you. talk to his parents about it too. and you shouldn’t worry about your mom because she’s not in your relationship, you are.
he needs to understand that your family is important to you, that you want him to have a good relationship with them too, and not just you.
i don’t think you are in error by anything you’ve done.
shy people are often the most self-absorbed. they are shy because they are concerned with what others think of themselves. if they weren’t, they wouldn’t be shy. it sounds like he is very concious of what other people think and honestly, it’s going to take a lot of effort on your part to help him realize that not everyone is thinking about him all the time. and that that’s okay.
if you really see him as part of your future, it’s going to take a lot of work to orchestrate a balance between your family and your boyfriend. he is going to have to accept your family eventually, and realize that it’s a package deal, regardless of the maxim about "not marrying the family". (which is rarely true, btw.)
a relationship only works by getting past the bad things. he made a mistake its not the end of the world. talk to him about it you said he wasnt comfortable with things like this so maybe he needs a little more time. talk to him about it.
answer mine?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090412174949AAcU9op
He is just finding it hard to be a man and at the same time to be a "daughter’s-boyfriend-kinda-guy to your family. Give him time is all i can say…It can be hard at times when men have to meet their spouse’s family….when they have to go out of their normal way to be extra polite, extra smiley , and talkative (which is key to ur parents not thinking he is snobbish or arrogant) etc so dont blame him totally just give him time i assure you things will work out. Make him talk to your parents from time to time on the phone
Has anyone ever addressed this problem with him?
Peoples’ weird character ‘flaws’ can be endearing if you can alter your perspective. Maybe there’s a root to this part of him. You have the ability to see how he shines, and will be able to talk to him and see if you can help.
The great thing about family is that every single one of us is messed up in one way or another. Learning not to judge each other is always a challenge because we forget that we’re just as flawed and weird as ‘Crazy’ Aunt Mildred. Remind your mother of that, if you need to. She ought to help make him feel included, not excluded. If you love him, then so should she.
Back to your bf. So Easter was dumb. It’s over. Help him come over on another weekend as a make-up day. You can do whatever you need to to get it done–go over and help him and his daughters get ready, if you have to.
Everyone has needs, and everyone is looking for the piece of the puzzle that fits best with their quirks. Nobody fits perfectly with someone else. That’s the irony of it. It’s how well you can adapt to the needs of your significant other that makes up the difference.
Jessica pretty much answered it best. There’s really nothing you can do here, so please don’t blame yourself, or think it is your responsibility to make it right.
I have a couple questions for you, actually. Are you sure you want to be spending holidays with your family without someone by your side to share in the joy? This will probably happen again. Do you want to have to explain his absence at family functions for the rest of your life? I doubt he would be cool with you treating his family the way he treated yours. That would bother me more than anything.
I hope he realizes that he’s missing out and has a change of heart Take care, and maybe wait on that rental property
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